just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
