Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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