Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Small penises have feelings too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize