we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
