at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
