What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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