Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
