I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
