btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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