either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
