Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
