i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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