dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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