Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
