Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
