white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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