she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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