apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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