I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
