My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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