70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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