Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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