guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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