How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm at about main and main street
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
