So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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