if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
