I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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