Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
