weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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