I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
