haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
