Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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