i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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