so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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