She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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