The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
