Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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