i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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