You can't special order awesome
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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