Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
