atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
