can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
