I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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