A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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