Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
