I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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