It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
