She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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