on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
