Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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