The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
