I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize