you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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