; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
