i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
