I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
