I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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