I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
