evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
