you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry