She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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