I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.