Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.