You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.