I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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