so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
