Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
