Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
